


I don't deserve you

by hedicine, sweetsummerstyles



Category: BBC Radio 1 RPF, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blowjobs, Bottom Louis, Bottom Nick, Exes to Lovers, Getting Back Together, M/M, Top Louis Tomlinson, Top Nick, handjobs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-07-24 20:44:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16182842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hedicine/pseuds/hedicine, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetsummerstyles/pseuds/sweetsummerstyles
Summary: Louis Tomlinson and Nick Grimshaw were judges on the X Factor and fell in love, a year ago. One year later they've broken up. Louis ended things because he thought Nick deserved better than him and because he wasn't able to come out yet. Now he is finally able to come out and is trying to persuade Nick to give him a second chance but Nick is hesitant. He doesn't want his heartbroken again.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [leavingonatrain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/leavingonatrain/gifts).



> I wish I had been able to write more for this and I'm so grateful to my three wonderful betas louissass, candypinklouis and walking_travesty for all of their help especially at the last minute. The time came around too quickly for this one. I would like to write a prequel for it in the future. Here is a playlist I recommend listening to when reading this fic https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1ESKZS5o1YuXSRjvR1Ol2F Finally thank you to leavingonatrain I hope you like this story and didn't mind me combining your prompts. They were both so good and I was struggling to choose until I wrote this :)  
> On a final note this is canon divergent because he doesn't have Freddie in this simply because it would complicate the plot. To make it clear Freddie is an adorable child and Louis is a great daddy. The timeline isn't clear in this as I didn't specify an exact time frame it's anytime after 2016.

 

I don't deserve your love

But you give it to me anyway

Can't get enough

You're everything I need

And when I walk away

You take off running and come right after me

It's what you do

And I don't deserve you

~ I don’t deserve you-Plumb~

 

** One year ago **

~

"Hello, Grimshaw, it's good to see you again, how's me boy Harry?"

"Likewise Tomlinson, he's good he's missing the band a bit and all of the lads."

"Yeah I miss One Direction too but this is a great opportunity for us." 

Louis and Nick became fast friends on the X Factor. Sometimes they would go out for drinks after the show. They had loads of onset chemistry and the general public adored them. Louis and Nick were affectionately known as Tomlinshaw. They thought the name was amusing.  However one night after getting drunk in a bar, Louis and Nick ended up having sex in a bathroom from then on they couldn't keep their hands off of each other. This eventually lead to them questioning what they were. They decided to try dating, within five months they were exchanging I love you's. Louis and Nick made plans to move in together as a couple. They had even gone house hunting in London for the perfect place, preferably with a large garden for their dogs: Pig, Stinky Blob, Bruce and Clifford.  However things didn't go like they'd initially planned for them too. 

.

~ 

** The present **

One year later, they're broken up and trying to mend shattered hearts. The first couple of months after the break up Louis was a wreck he went out drinking and partying constantly until he felt numb. He didn't want to feel anything.  Louis had ended things with Nick because he believed that he Nick deserved better than what he had to offer and that he wasn't able to come out yet but he is ready now. However he wasn't honest with Nick about why they broke up. Sometimes he wishes he had been. He wants to win back Nick's heart if he can. However Nick has changed his number so he hasn't been able to contact him so far. He thinks he might need to talk to Harry about getting Nick's number. He's unsure if he'll agree though given that he is Nick's best friend but _he's mine too_ , Louis thinks. It’s true that their friendship has been strained in recent years due to the high volume of conspiracy theories about them being in a secret relationship but since the hiatus they have become closer again in private out of the view of fans. Harry is one of the only people who knows that Louis and Nick were in love. _Are in love_ , Louis think. Maybe Harry can help Louis win Nick back. He hopes he can. 

"Hey mate, how's it going?" He's so glad to see Harry, he's missed him. Harry is such a positive influence and Louis needs all the positivity he can get. 

"Hi Lou, I'm good how are you?" Harry replies, a small grin on his face. Louis isn’t quite sure why, but he can’t investigate right now - he’s got more pressing matters at hand.

"I'm great thanks lad but I need some advice." He's  _desperate here._

"Fire away."

"I want to get back together with Nick. I had a discussion with my label a few weeks ago about whether I can come out or not and they said I can."

Harry’s face lights up and he surges forward, engulfing Louis in a warm hug. “Lou that’s amazing! I’m so happy for you! God I can’t believe it, you’re gonna be free Lou,”

“Yeah, I guess,” Louis snorts, which causes Harry to pull back and give him a concerned look. “It’s just not gonna mean shit without Nick is it.”

"Okay, what do you want me to do?" 

"Help me, win him back."

"I don't know Lou, he was pretty wrecked when you ended things with him".  _He was in a right state crying on Harry's couch and watching endless amounts of sad movies from what Louis had heard._

"I know and it pains me greatly that I hurt him but I love him and I always will."

"I know you do Louis that's why I haven't punched you in the face, that and the fact that you're my band mate and one of my best friends in the world". Louis knows that he is as much Harry’s best friend as Nick is but he understands that Harry feels more protective of Nick because Louis was the one who hurt him.

"You're mine too Haz".  _He's so grateful that he has Harry as his friend._

 “I will help you but if you break his heart again you’ll have me to deal with understood?”  _He can see that Harry is deadly serious, he honestly can't see Nick like that again._

“Understood”. And he truly means it. He never wants to hurt Nick again.

Harry’s face lights up and he re-positions himself on the sofa. “Okay so what’s the plan?”

Within an hour they have come up with a plan to get Louis back on Nick’s radar and hopefully his heart and bed. Louis really hope he succeeds. He really wants to be with Nick again, his biggest regret will always be letting him go. He hopes that he will be given one more chance. He knows that they belong together. In his heart, he has known that all along. Harry gives Louis, Nick's number and tells him not to call him until he has spoken to him first. Once they’ve sorted out a plan, Louis ask Harry what  his smile earlier was all about earlier. He says that it was just because he was so glad to see Louis after ages. Harry had been very busy recording his album and filming _Dunkirk._ Louis thinks there is more to the story than that but he doesn’t press. Not just yet. He'll tell him when he's ready to. Eventually Harry does open up to him and tells him the truth.

"Look Louis, the truth is Nick really wasn't happy about me remaining friends with you. I felt so torn between the two of you but I absolutely couldn't choose between you. I just felt guilty about hanging out with you sometimes and that's why I've been distant with you at times, that's why I've been so happy to spend more time with you."

~

Nick had handled the end of his romantic relationship differently to Louis. He didn't go out partying or drinking, he spent most of the first couple of months sitting on his or Harry's couch crying his eyes out. He'd listen to depressing music, eat tubs full of ice cream and watch sad movies like  _Titanic_ over and over again. Until Harry had forced him to get a grip. He then threw himself into his work, made more time for his friends and began to move on with his life. He even tried going on some dates but they all went dreadfully and he soon gave up on it. None of them were Louis.

Harry and Nick are hanging out at Nick's flat in London when Harry brings it up. 

"Louis has asked me for your number."  _What the fuck? Why now?_

"Why, it's been a year, you didn't give him my number did you?" Nick asks sounding horrified.  _He'd only just picked up the pieces of his life together._

"Yes, I did I think it’s time you talk to him.” _He needs closure maybe he should give him a chance._

“That’s not for you to decide” Nick snaps.  _How dare he spring this upon him? Harry should be on his side. Louis broke his heart not the other way round. He didn't even offer a decent explanation, he just ended their relationship._

"Nick I'm sorry for upsetting you but I think you should at least give Louis a chance to talk, I'm not saying you have to get back together with him."

Nick scoffs. _Louis is a complete arsehole_ , Nick thinks to himself. 

"As if I would ever get back together with that wanker!"  _He completely fucked him over. He won't go through that heartache again._

"Okay firstly Louis is _not_ a wanker he’s a great guy, I know he’s hurt you but he has reasons for it misguided as they may seem, will you at least consider talking to him, just this once?"

"Fine, I will consider speaking to him once but that's it, I'm not going to be his friend and we're certainly not getting back together."

"He loves you Nick."

"No he doesn't Harry, you don't leave the people you love."  _He'd never have hurt Louis like that ever._

"He left you because he thought you deserved better."

 _What? Could that really be true?_ Maybe he should talk to Louis after all.

"I'll talk to him".  _He needs to explain himself, the bastard._

"Thank you, he's one of my best mates and his heart is in the right place."

"I know that" says Nick reluctantly. As reluctant has he is to admit it, he knows Louis is a good person with good intentions. 

~

Louis and Nick meet at Starbucks for a frappuccino. Louis has caramel and Nick has chocolate.

"Thank you for agreeing to meet with me Nick". 

"I just wanted to hear what you have to say to me after all this time and I want closure."  _I'm not doing this for you,_ he thinks.

"I'm sorry that I didn't give you closure sooner love, I just didn't know how to explain myself".

"You've had a year Tomlinson."  _What's your excuse?_

"I know, babe er Nick sorry, I know."

"So explain, I'm giving you one hour and then that's it."  _Which is more than generous_ , he thinks. 

"Nick, I can't begin to tell you how grateful I am that you're giving me this opportunity to talk things through I know I don't deserve that."

Nick remembers what Harry said earlier.  _He left you because he thought you deserved better._

"Harry said that you didn't think you deserved me and that's why you ended things."

"That's partly the reason, yes but not the only reason." 

"What are the other reasons then?" Nick says with a frown.  _I hope they're better..._

"I knew I wasn't able to be out like you are and I thought you deserved to be in a relationship where you didn't have to hide."

Nick's flabbergasted he never even considered that as the reason why Louis abruptly ended things.

"What the fuck Louis, I never said you needed to be out for us to be together, I was fine with the way things were."  _We were happy._ Nick wants to scream.

"I know Nick, but you deserved better and I wanted to to love you out in the open, but things have changed, I've recently had a meeting with my team and they are allowing me to come out on my terms and I want you back baby, I-I still love you, I never stopped."  _Nick wishes that he could stop loving Louis but it's too hard and Louis isn't making it any easier for him._

"It's too late Louis, you've put me through hell over the past year and I never want to go through that ever again, if you really loved me you wouldn't have ended things between us". _He won't let Louis hurt him again not when he was doing so well at moving on. Okay not that well but he had made a real effort._

"I'm so sorry baby, I do love you so so much, I promise I'll never hurt you again, just give me one more chance please." Louis begs with tears streaming down his face.

"Louis, I'm sorry but I can't give you another chance, I'm not able to do that, I care about you very much and I want you to be happy and wish you all the best but I can't get back together now, I need to go, goodbye Louis, take care."

Nick is crying now too. As Nick is about to walk away, Louis grabs his face and kisses him with everything he has to give. Nick kisses him back for a minute then pulls back and walks away. Louis is left there standing alone, crying. He calls Harry. 

**One Year Ago**

Louis remembers when he and Nick broke up like it was yesterday. They had been fighting for a few weeks and then Louis snapped. He had been planning on ending things for a couple of weeks but he couldn’t do it because he loved Nick too much. However he felt like he was going to explode.

“Nick, I can’t do this anymore.”  _He wishes he didn't have to do this._

“What do you mean?" Nick asks feigning ignorance.

“This. Us. I can’t be with you anymore, I can’t.”

“Why?”  _Should he tell him the truth?_

“It’s not the right time for us, I love you I really do but we’re over.”

“Fine”, Nick snapped then he walked away and never came back.  _Is that all you can say? We've been together for nearly a year! Are you really just going to accept this?_

Louis hadn't told Nick that the real reason he ended things between them was because the label had said Louis couldn’t come out after several meetings discussing it. When Harry had found out Louis had ended things with Nick, he had been furious with him. It had caused tension between them. Harry had felt split in two because Louis and Nick were both his best friends but this time he felt more like siding with Nick since he had his heart broken.

“How could you do this to him?” Harry had raged.

“Because I love him and it was the right thing to do.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Harry responded furiously.

“I can’t be what he deserves, not yet so I had to end things.”

“You’re an idiot”, Harry says with tears on his face. He then most bizarrely grabbed Louis and gave him a bone-crushing hug.

“Are you trying to kill me through a hug Styles?”

“Could be”, Harry smirked.  _Cheeky little shit,_ Louis thought fondly. 

From then on things were better between them but Harry was still angry that Louis had ended things with Nick. However Nick wasn't happy at all that Harry was still friends with Louis. They had many arguments about it until Nick eventually accepted that he didn't have a right to tell Harry who he could and could not be friends with. That doesn't mean that he is happy about it, not at all. He'd already lost his boyfriend and love of his life. He couldn't bare to lose his best friend either. Without Harry he would crumble. He feels possessive of Harry he can't help it. Harry felt torn between Nick and Louis for a long time but he found himself taking Nick's side most of the time because he was the who had been hurt at the end of the day.

"Please don't ask me to choose between you because you know I can't do that", Harry had said sadly. However that didn't stop him from feeling guilty when he spent time with Louis. 

  **The present**

 Louis sits on Harry's couch crying his eyes out. Harry doesn't know how to console him. He's said comforting things, given him cuddles, made him his favourite tea and given him biscuits.  _What else could he do?_

"Lou, I'm so sorry, I wish there was something I could do."  _He hated seeing him like this. It reminds him of all the times he had Nick crying on his couch after Louis ended things._

"I appreciate that Harry but there is nothing you can do, you've helped me as much as you can and I'm so grateful, thank you."

Just then the doorbell rings. Harry goes to answer the door. Louis can hear Harry's voice down the hall.

"I'm sorry Nick but now is not a good time, I've got a heartbroken Louis sitting on my couch."

"H, I'm sorry I didn't want to hurt him but I can't get back together with him out of pity."

"I'm not saying you have to Nick, you just shouldn't have given him false hope when you kissed him back."

"I made it very clear to him that I didn't want to get back together and I only responded for like a minute, it was more instinct than anything else."

"That's bullshit and you know it."

"Can I have a hug at least?"

"Of course you can but after that you need to leave."

"Can't I speak to him?"

Louis hops of the coach and walks down the hall to where Nick and Harry are standing.

"Yes, I'll speak to him H, it's okay."

"It's not okay, he's hurt you", Harry protests angrily.

"I know but I've hurt him too, I owe it to him."

"Fine, I'm going to my room, call me if you need anything." 

Harry walks away.

"Hi Nick."

"Hey Lou, I'm sorry for making you cry."

"It's okay, I deserved it."

"No, you didn't Louis."

Nick then wraps Louis in a hug. Louis is shocked but hugs him back quickly.

"I can't get back together with you right now but give me some time to think things through."

"Take all the time you need." 

Nick kisses Louis quickly and then leaves.  _He kissed Louis. He can't believe it._ Nick doesn't regret it though, they both needed it.

Louis heads back to the coach and quickly falls asleep. He dreams about the time he first hooked up with Nick in a bar bathroom. They were absolutely pissed that night. Louis and Nick had ten shots each, then they were stumbling to the bathroom together. Louis had pulled Nick into one of the stalls and kissed his neck. Nick then grabbed Louis’ face in his hands and kissed him. They stood there kissing heatedly with their tongues colliding for about 15 minutes then Louis undid Nick’s belt buckle and pulled his trousers and boxers to his knees. He then got down on his knees and sloppily sucked Nick off. Until Nick said he wanted to come inside of Louis. Nick then pulled Louis’ trousers along with his underwear down spat on his fingers and put two of them inside Louis’ hole it was a bit of stretch but he seemed to enjoy it as he was moaning loudly, he scissored them inside of him then added a third finger he was about to add a fourth when Louis grabbed a condom from his jeans and rolled it down Nick’s cock. Louis then wrapped his legs around Nick’s waist and directed his cock towards his hole. He then sank down on it until his arse was sitting snugly against Nick’s balls. Nick bounced Louis on his cock whilst thrusting hard up into him. Louis moaned loudly every time Nick bottomed out. Nick sped up his thrust as he was close to his orgasm, he grabbed Louis’ neglected cock and jerked him until he came with a cry, he thrust his cock up into him a few times until he came inside of him.  _Nick was the best he had ever had. He never wanted to be with anyone else that way ever again._

~ 

As Louis drinks his morning tea, he tells Harry about last night.

“He kissed you?” Harry gasps.  _Wow things are going better than he hoped. He thought it would take much longer._

“Yeah, he did, and said he needed time to think things through.”

“Well that’s a step in the right direction. Only hours before, he was adamant that he would never get back together with you.”

“I know, thank you, by the way, for protecting me last night.”

“Lou, you’re my best mate as much as Nick is and I love you to bits.”

“I love you too”,Louis responds.

~

Louis is currently in the studio recording his latest track when Nick walks in.

“Give me a minute lads”, Louis says to his crew.

“Hey, Louis”, Nick says.

“Hi Nick, what can I do for you?”, he asks smiling at him warmly.

“Do you want to go grab some lunch?”

He’d just eaten a sandwich but he wasn’t about to refuse.

“Sure, where would you like to go?”

“There’s a nice cafe down the road.”

“Okay I just need to let the lads know.”

Louis walks back over to his crew.

“Hey lads, why don’t you have an hour break, you’ve been working hard, I need to head out for a bit.”

~

“Do you want a pot of tea, Lou?”

“Yes please, that would be great.”

Nick order him a pot of tea and a caramel shortcake. Nick has a cup of coffee and a sandwich.

“How has your week been?” Nick asks.

“It’s been good but very long, I’m looking forward to the weekend, how about you?”

“Me too, it’s been a good week but very busy.”

They made small talk for a few more minutes.

“Lou, I’m definitely not ready to get back together yet but I think we should spend some time together and take things at a slow pace.”

 _Yet._ Louis’ heart soared, Nick wasn’t ready to get back together with him _yet._ He still had a chance.

“I think that would be nice, we can take it as slow as you want.”

“Thank you.”

They spend the next half hour or so conversing amiably. They talk about lots of different things such as: Louis’ music, when Louis plans on coming out,if they should sign up to be judges again on X Factor next year.

**One year ago**

Within one week, Louis and Nick are the most popular judges on the X Factor. Tomlinshaw had been trending worldwide for the best week. The fans loved seeing Nick and Louis’ dynamic. They had great banter on the show. They were hilarious and made the general public laugh. They were in the newspapers every week. The year they were both on the show had the highest viewing count in X Factor history. 

**The present**

Simon had been desperate for Louis and Nick to return to the show but they couldn’t as their break up was too raw and they couldn’t bare to be around each other. However both Louis and Nick think they might return to the show next year. They loved being judges. Simon would be delighted if they signed up. Maybe by then Louis would be out of the closet and he and Nick would be back together.

“Is _this_ a date?”, Louis asks Nick.

“Could be”, Nick says with a smirk.

After lunch, Nick walks Louis back to the studio. He gives him a quick kiss goodbye. Louis pulls him back in and kisses him for a little bit longer.

“I've got to go now babe, I’ll text you”, Nick says.

“Bye darling.”  _I love you_ he thinks.

~

Over the next couple of weeks Nick and Louis go on more dates. Louis takes Nick out for fancy dinners which he pays for no matter how much Nick protests. They go out for walks with their dogs. Nick and Louis sit at home and watch Netflix. Sometimes they hang out with Harry and the rest of Louis' old band-mates. They're all really happy that he is working things out with Nick. Sometimes Harry invites them to parties. Things are going very well and Louis is feeling more hopeful everyday. Nick is still hesitant to put a label on them though. He keeps physical contact to a minimum too. They don't go any further than kissing and holding hands occasionally.  Nick isn't ready for more than that yet.

Right now, Louis and Nick are ice-skating at the Donny Dome. Louis has been going on and on about it for ages but they have never been until now. Nick is a terrible skater but Louis is pretty good. He's been many times with his younger siblings. He holds Nick's hand and spins him round. Nick nearly falls flat on his face many times but Louis just laughs and pulls him up. They have a great time. Afterwards they have hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows. It's really yummy. When Louis drops Nick home. They share a warm and affectionate kiss. It's been the perfect date.

A week or so later, Louis and Nick take Louis' youngest siblings Doris and Ernest to see Santa at a shopping centre. Louis is happy to see Nick spend time with his siblings. Later that day, they have dinner with Lottie, Félicité, Phoebe and Daisy. Louis has missed his sisters and brother so much. Nick gets along with his family very well. He fits in perfectly as he has a very similar personality to Louis. He is funny and has a sharp tongue. He asks Lottie if she would like to come on the Breakfast Show to talk about her makeup range, she happily accepts his offer. From then onward they became firm friends. They texted each other on a regular basis. Sometimes she would invite him out on nights out and they would go clubbing together, Louis came along on occasion as did Harry. 

~

A month or so later,in the studio he records _Miss You_ a song he wrote about Nick shortly after they broke up and was going through his heavy partying stage.

The chorus goes like this:

 _We’re singing ‘'til last call_  
_And it’s all out of tune_  
_Should be laughing, but there’s something wrong_  
_And it hits you when the lights go on_  
_Shit, maybe I miss you_

The song isn’t as much of a hit as _Just Hold On_ and _Back To You_ were but Louis is proud of the song. He thinks publicly coming out and maybe admitting that he’s in love with Nick might increase his sales. However that isn’t the reason he wants to come out, he wants to come out so he can finally show off Nick, the way he deserves. He wants to prove that he is worthy of the second chance that Nick has given him.

“Is the song about me Lou?” Nick asks.

“Yeah it is baby, you’ve always been my muse.”

“I love you,” Nick says suddenly.

Louis gasps.

“I love you too,” he responds.

“I know it’s bit soon and we aren’t exclusive yet but yeah I really do love you Louis so so much.”

Louis feels tears of happiness trickling down his cheeks.

“Nick, it’s never too soon or too late to tell me that, I feel we _are_ pretty exclusive though babe, I certainly have zero interest in seeing anyone other than you, you’re the only one for me.”  _He never wants to be with anyone else ever again. He wants to be with Nick for life._

“I feel the same way.”  _  
_

Nick then kisses Louis with love and passion. Louis responds with so much enthusiasm that he picks Nick up of his feet. Louis takes Nick upstairs, still kissing, to his bedroom and gently puts him down on his bed.  They both lie on the bed snogging for awhile. Nick is straddling Louis’ hips. He starts to remove his shirt.

“Baby, are you ready to do this?" Louis asks with concern. _I don’t want you to have any regrets._

“Yes but let’s take it slow okay?” Nick responds.

“Of course darling, we’ll take as slow as you want, there’s no rush.”

They took their time slowly getting undressed, pressing gentle kisses into each others bodies and trailing hands . Soon they were both completely naked and lying on the bed.

Louis slowly moves his fingers in and out of Nick. Nick softly groans. Louis gently removes his fingers from inside of Nick and slowly rolls a condom down his shaft. He then presses in Nick slowly until he bottoms out. Louis keeps his pace slow and gentle. Tenderly moving in and out of him. It feels a lot like lovemaking. There’s nice music on in the background, one of Louis’ favourite playlists. Once they’ve both released, they lay together cuddling for awhile. It feels amazing.

“I love you Nick,” Louis says with a smile on his face.

“I love you too Louis,” Nick replies smiling too.

Later that night they have another round. After that they’re exhausted. Louis heads to the bathroom to grab a flannel towel to wipe Nick’s stomach clean.

They fall asleep cuddling with smiles on their faces. All feels right in the world. 

~

The next morning, Nick and Louis have a cup of tea and slice of toast each. They chat amiably whilst they sip their tea. Louis then has to dash to a meeting with his manager. He gives Nick a quick a kiss and tells him he loves him before he leaves for work. Nick sits at the table for a minute or two smiling. He’s so happy and in love. So in love, in fact, that he sits too long in his reverie, and the minutes tick by. He finally realizes that he too had better head off to work. When he's at work his colleagues keep pointing out the dopey smile on his face and dreamy look in his eye. He doesn't feel annoyed when it is repeatedly brought up though, he feels happy. Nick feels that nothing could bring his mood down. He feels on top of the world. Louis really loveshim. He finally trusts him enough to be with him properly. He had been scared that he would never trust Louis again.

~

Louis’ song _Miss You_ plays on the radio when Nick is at work. Today’s guest is Harry. They’ve just finished their interview and are now having lunch together.

“How have you been Harold?”

“I’ve been good Grimmy how are things going with Lou?”

“Amazing, absolutely amazing we had like two rounds of phenomenal sex last night.”

Harry grimaced. “Alright Nick, let’s not get too graphic.” Then he does a double take.“Woah, so does that mean you guys are officially back together then?”

“Yeah I think we might be, I love him Haz.”

“I know you do and he loves you right back.”

“I know that.”

“I’m so happy for you both, my two best friends are in love and back together it’s great.”  _He's really genuinely so happy for them. It broke his heart seeing them so sad._

“I know, thank you for helping me to pull my head out of my arse.”

“You’re welcome.”

They hug quickly but affectionately.

~

Louis has had a long day at the studio recording his album. Today he was recording the song _Always You_ which is another song about Nick. In truth almost all of his current songs are about Nick. He can’t help it, he’s in love.

_I went to Amsterdam without you and all I could do was think about you._

He loved that line of the song, he would like to take Nick on a trip to Amsterdam. It’s one of his favourite cities and it has a rich and vibrant history to it. He thinks he will wait awhile before he asks Nick though as he doesn’t think Nick is ready to go on holiday with him yet. They’ve only been back together for a few months. He’s so glad he’s been given a second chance. He will not screw it up!

~

It’s been about six months since Louis and Nick got back together, they're really happy together and things could not be going better between them. Nick has a drawer in Louis bedroom, a key to his house and a toothbrush in a potholder in the bathroom. Nick spends more time at Louis’ house than at his own house. They have dinner together most nights and share Louis’ bed. He’s been so happy lately, that he goes to sleep with a smile. However occasionally they bicker or have silly arguments but they know that it's worth it and they're meant to be together. They can get through anything together.

~

**One year ago**

Louis remembers when he first began questioning what he and Nick meant to each other. They had been fooling around for a few weeks now ever since they hooked up in a bathroom. They’re kissing on Louis’ bed when he asks him.

“Nick what are we?”

“I don’t know Lou, what do you want to be?”

“I think I want us to be more than fuck buddies Nick, I’d really like to take you out.”  _Please say yes._

“Okay, pick me up at 7 tomorrow,” he replies casually. 

“I will, wear something nice.”

“I always do”, he says with a wink. Louis had laughed then and Nick joined him happily. 

It had been that easy for them to transition from friends with benefits into a romantic relationship. Louis thinks it’s because they were always supposed to be something more to each other. Their first date went perfectly. He took Nick to a fancy restaurant in town and paid the bill. Louis thinks that’s when he realized Nick was the one for him.

**The present**

Louis has lunch with Eileen (Nick’s mum) that afternoon. He hasn’t seen her since getting back with Nick, he's been putting this off. He had been too scared but now he's ready. Eileen looks very well. She gives him a hug when he sees her. He is surprised he was expecting her to be cold towards him for breaking her son’s heart but she is just as friendly as normal. They have just finished lunch when she rounds on him.

“You won’t break his heart again will you?” 

“I promise, I won’t I love him with all of my heart, I want to spend the rest of my life with him.”

She smiles then and gives him another hug. He's so glad that Nick's mum approved of him, things might have been more difficult if she hadn't. Nick is close to his mother like he was to his. His mother passed away from terminal leukemia. He was completely devastated. 

~

Next week Louis is on radio Capital FM having an interview.

“You’ve been writing a lot of love songs lately, are you seeing anyone right now?”

“I am actually.”

“Who’s the lucky lady?”

“He’s not a lady”.  _Why do people just assume like that?_ He internally rolls his eyes. 

“I apologise, I wasn’t aware that you dated men.”

“It’s quite alright, I only realized that I was bisexual about a year ago.” _Around the time when he saw Nick on X Factor before then he thought Eleanor had been the love of his life. Boy was he wrong. He'd hadn't loved her half as much as he loves Nick._

“I see so who is the lucky man, you’ve been seeing?”

“I’m the lucky one really, we started dating last year on X Factor as judges and broke up for awhile but we have recently gotten back together.”

“I assume you’re talking about Radio 1 DJ Nick Grimshaw not Simon Cowell right?”

Louis laughs.  _As if!_

“Yes, I’m dating Nick and I couldn’t be happier with him, he’s the love of my life.”

~

Nick is sitting at home watching TV when Harry calls him.

“Hi Harry.”

“Oh my god Grimmy, Louis has just come out on the radio and said he’s dating you.”

“Oh my god, I can’t believe he didn’t tell me.”  _Has he been planning this without telling me?_

“Seemed pretty spontaneous to me.”

“Has the interview been posted online yet?”

“Yes Nick, it’s going viral.” He rolls his eyes fondly. 

“Wow I need to watch it now.”  _Like right this second!_

He watches the interview.

_I couldn’t be happier with him, he’s the love of my life._

Nick can’t believe it, Louis just came out on the radio for him and professed his love to the entire world. He’s ecstatic! He calls Louis straightaway.

“Hi Lou, I listened to your interview.”

“You did? Was it okay?” He asks nervously tugging on his collar. 

“It was great, I loved it. I love you.” Louis smiles. 

“I’m glad. I love you too”. Nick smiles too. 

**One year ago**

Louis and Nick had been seeing each other for five months now. It had been five wonderful months. The X Factor was finished. Louis’ act won. Which he loved to tease Nick about. He loved Nick in general. Oh my god, he loved Nick. He needs to tell him! Nick and Louis were cuddling on Louis' bed in post coital bliss when he decides, it's now or never.

“Nick, I have something to tell you.”

“You’re not breaking up with me?”

“God no! I’m trying to tell you that I'm in love with you, ya twat.”

“What?”  _Really?_

“I love you, I love you Nicholas Peter Andrew Grimshaw.”

“I love you too Louis William Tomlinson.”

“I think I’m going to love you for the rest of my life.”

“I think I will love you for the rest of mine too.”

**The**   **Present**

Louis and Nick have been back together for nearly a year now. They are presently going house hunting to find a new home to move into together. They’re already looked at several houses but they haven’t found the one they want yet and they are feeling frustrated. They need to find a house with a large garden for Pig, Stinky Blob, Bruce and Clifford. Nick and Louis have a look at one more house that day. It's absolutely perfect. It's a very large white four storey house with an enormous garden. It has a fountain and a bird path outside as well as a porch swing. They both love it so they put in an offer. A few months later Nick, Louis and their precious dogs move in. They're very happy. It's their dream home.

**One year later**

Louis and Nick are once again judges on the X Factor, this time as an out and proud couple. The fans were rejoiced when they heard that ‘Tomlinshaw’ are back on the show. 

Nick and Louis are watching auditions. A young man in his twenties performs. His voice is exceptional.

“You have the best voice I’ve ever heard, even better than the man sitting next to me but don’t tell him that,” Nick says with a wink.

“Oi, shut up Grimshaw you’re sleeping on the couch tonight.”

Everyone laughs including Nick and Louis.  A few months later when Louis’ act wins the show  _again._ Louis is very smug.

"I think you have to admit darling, that I have better acts  _and_ I'm a better mentor than you", says Louis with a smirk. 

“I will do no such thing,” says Nick outraged.

"Love you baby", says Louis with a fond look on his face.

"Yeah, yeah love you too, you're still sleeping on the couch though."

"Because I'm a better judge how is that fair?!"

"No not because you're a better judge, given you aren't , but because you're a git."

"Can I have a kiss at least?" He asks with a hopeful looking grin on his face. 

“Okay”, Nick concedes. He always does he can't help it. He's wrapped around Louis' finger. He hates that. 

Louis smiles widely and pulls Nick in. They kiss contentedly for a few minutes. Then Nick heads up stairs to bed.

“So Nicholas, darling, love of my life, apple of my eye can I join you upstairs?” Asks Louis fluttering his insanely long eyelashes.

“Fine”, Nick grumbles. It's really not fair that Louis is so beautiful, batting his eyelashes at him like that. 

“Yay, can we cuddle?” He asks looking hopeful once again. 

“Don’t push your luck Tomlinson.” He knows they will though.

They do cuddle. They always do no matter what. No matter how often they bicker they always remain affectionate towards each other. 

_  
_

 

 


	2. Epilogue

One year later, on their second anniversary, Louis take Nick on a trip to Amsterdam. It’s absolutely gorgeous. They rent bikes and go cycling around town. They visit the Van Gogh Museum and the Anne Frank House. Nick buys a copy of _The Diary of a Young Girl_ which is a diary about Anne Frank’s life. When he gets round to reading it he cries. It makes him very sad. Louis offered him lots of cuddles and kisses to make him feel better. Later on they go on a large canal cruise on the Amstel river.Louis takes Nick to a fancy restaurant in the evening near the Amstel. They share a bottle of wine and then order their mains. Louis seems a bit nervous Nick thinks. He keeps checking his suit jacket pocket like he’s checking something is in there. _Odd._ Once they’ve eaten dessert, Louis bends down to tie his shoelace or so Nick thinks. Louis gets down on one knee and pulls a black box out of his suit jacket.

“Nick, darling I said to you five months after we started dating the first time round that I would love you for the rest of my life and I still believe that now. I want to spend every waking moment with you forever. I want to grow old with you and have children and grandchildren. I love you more than anything in this world, will you marry me?”

“Yes I’ll marry you Louis.” _He doesn't cry. He doesn't. Well maybe just a bit._

When they get back to their hotel. They can't keep their hands off each other.  _They're engaged!_ Louis thinks he should send Harry a fruit basket without him they might not have gotten to this point. That thought scares him like no other. 

~

Six weeks later they’re fighting about who will be their best man.

“I want Harry to be my best man”, Nick says.

“Absolutely not Nicholas, Harry is my best man, I’ve known him for longer, we’re in the same band for god’s sake, we’re practically brothers, we even used to live together.”

“Ah but I’ve been closer to him for longer, your friendship was strained for awhile.”

“Don't throw that in my face Grimshaw or I'm calling off the wedding, anyway since we can’t agree on this why can’t he be best man for both of us?”

“That’s a good idea and please like you would ever call off the wedding when you're the one who proposed.”

"You have a point", Louis says with a smile. He then pulls Nick in for a quick kiss. 

"I love you," says Louis fondly.

"I love you too", says Nick equally fond.

~

Harry cries tears of happiness when he is asked to Nick and Louis’ best man.

“I love you both so much, I’d be delighted to be your best man.”

“We love you too, we fought for ages because we both wanted you as our best man so in the end we decided on sharing you”, Louis says.

“That’s so sweet”, Harry responds wiping his eyes. He feels so touched. 

"Harry I have to thank you for helping me get back together with Nick, if it wasn't for you we probably wouldn't be getting married. You're the best friend in the world and I owe you everything."

"Don't be silly Lou, I just wanted to see my two best friends be happy."

“You're the best, anyway we’re going to need lots of help with the wedding: church, venue, guests, invites, catering, tuxes, music and such.”

“I’ll help with that, do you think One Direction should perform at the wedding?”

“At the reception definitely but not during the ceremony as I’ll be standing at the altar.”

“Obviously Lou, what songs should we perform?”

“Hm, I have a few ideas like: _What a feeling_ , _Strong, Fireproof, If I Could Fly_ and _maybe_ Home."

“Maybe we could perform all of those.”

“That would be nice."

They hug each other warmly. Harry Styles is gift and Louis will never forget it. 

~

It takes about six months to get everything ready but the day is finally here. Nick and Louis are getting married today and they can’t wait. Nick and Louis are currently getting changed into their tuxes in separate changing rooms. Louis protested but Nick was adamant he wants to keep things traditional. Louis is feeling nervous, not as in he is having cold feet but in the sense that he wants the wedding to go perfectly and he doesn’t want to forget his vows. Harry hugs him and gives him a pep talk. He feels ready, he's got this. However he feels very sad that his mum can't be here for his wedding but he's sure she's watching down on him. He knows that she would have loved Nick. She has met him a few times as Nick was friendly with all of the One Directions lads before Louis and Nick got together. He knows she would have gotten on well with Eileen. He can imagine her going to lunch with Eileen and Anne (Harry's mum). Anne and Jay had been best friends once. They used to call themselves  _mutual mummies._ He tries not to dwell on that thought too much though as it makes him sad. 

~

“Louis William Tomlinson do you take Nicholas Peter Andrew Grimshaw to be your lawfully wedded husband in sickness and in health until death do part?”

“I do.”

“Do you Nicholas Peter Andrew Grimshaw take Louis William Tomlinson to be your lawfully wedded husband in sickness and in health until death do part?”

“I do.”

“The grooms have prepared vows” says the priest.

“Nick I promise to love you for the rest of my life, like I said to you five months after we started dating. I promise to put the kettle on for you in the morning and to remember to put the milk back in the fridge once I’ve finished using it. I promise to support you in all the decisions you make and be by your side in good times and in bad.”

“Louis, I promise to love you always, I promise to make you cups of tea regularly, to remember to fill the ice trays, to take Clifford, Bruce, Pig and Stinky Blob out for walks when you’re too tired. I promise to support you in everything you do and have your back always.”

“Let’s do the rings”, says the priest.

Niall the ring bearer hands the rings to Louis and Nick.

Louis places the ring on Nicks finger.

“With this ring, I thee wed.”

Nick places the ring on Louis’ finger.

“With this ring, I thee wed.”

~

At the wedding reception, One Direction performs for the first time in years. The crowd cheers loudly. Nick has tear in his eyes. Louis practically serenaded him. Then the happy couple have their first dance. It’s absolutely beautiful. Harry dances with Liam first then with Niall. Louis dances with Zayn next. He’s so glad that Zayn has come to his wedding. He really wants to repair their friendship and he feels this is positive step in the right direction. After Louis is finished dancing with Zayn. Harry makes his way over and makes polite conversation with Zayn. Harry and Zayn had had some issues with each  other in recent years but it seems that it is water under the bridge. He hopes they repair their friendship too.

Nick and Louis honeymoon in Belgium neighbouring country of The Netherlands. Louis is 1/16 Belgian after all!  They have an amazing time. The chocolate is mind-blowing, good. They tour around Brussels, Bruges, Antwerp and Ghent. Their personal favourite is Bruges. They stay at the most gorgeous hotel called  _Hotel de Orangerie_ _._ It is luxurious and the hotel restaurant is phenomenal.  It's really the perfect honeymoon.

~

A year later Nick and Louis adopt a little girl from an orphanage. She is blonde with curly hair and blue eyes. She’s utterly adorable. They name her Ella Anne Grimshaw-Tomlinson. They choose Harry to be the godfather and Nick’s friend Aimee to be the Godmother. Her middle name is Anne after Harry’s mum because she’s been like a second mum to both of them. Nick and Louis had spent ages decorating Ella’s bedroom they had painted the wall pink, made her bed, bought all of the furniture and put pictures up on her wall. When Louis holds his daughter for the first time he cries. She is so precious and he loves her so much already. When he looks over to Nick. He is crying too. They can't believe their luck. 

~fin

**Author's Note:**

> My information about The Netherlands and Belgium is based on my own holidays there. I'm a dutch national raised in the UK and I love Europe very much. I thought Nederlands and Belgium would be wonderful places for Nick and Louis to visit after all Louis loves Amsterdam and is part Belgian. I hope you all enjoyed this fic. I've been adding more things as I go along. Just little things. :)


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